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I’ve known about it for a while but initially, I told myself it was better not to go. It'll be a lot of people and that's not a situation that I do well in. Believe it or not, I’m rather shy and quiet in person. I’m an observer. I need to assess the situation and the people in it before I can really get comfortable. Once I get to know you, however, you can’t shut me up. (You’re all shocked, right?)
Then there’s the convention center. Years ago the Smithsonian came to town and that's where it was set up for months. The convention center is HUGE! Are they really expecting THAT many people? Or do they just need that much room for vendors, etc?
And what does one wear to something like this? I know there’s a bunch of exercise opportunities in the afternoon so… should I have sneakers on? Workout clothes? Should I go looking cute and put together and then pull a Clark Kent at lunchtime and change in the
I’m worried that it’ll be like the first day of school and I’ll be put on the spot to answer questions or introduce myself with a creative haiku.
Hi, I’m Ashley
I have found
the keyto be
Cupcakes and bacon
I’m worried that everyone else will be going with family, friends, and/or significant others and I’ll be there by myself. It's not that I don't have anyone who would want to go with me, I know I do, but I just can't make myself ask. Something that’s supposed to foster a feeling of community, support, and camaraderie is making me feel very, well, alone.
Off the internet, I’m a private person. Only the people who spend time around me even know about my diagnosis. By going, I’ll be owning it, which is awesome, but I have this fear that, with Rhody being as small as it is, my health will once again be the subject of gossip as it's been so many times before. That must sound very self-centered, but it seems as though whenever someone thinks they have "dirt" on me, it spreads like wildfire. I don't want something as personal as my diabetes to be fodder for the gossip mill. I don't want it to be whispered about. I want people to have the testicular fortitude to talk with me directly if they want to know about it, but I know better than to hold out hope for that.
As I’ve said before, the DOC is a huge source of comfort and support that’s ever growing and expanding. I meet newbies and get in on discussions all the time and don’t even think twice about it. I need to take the strength and people-person personality I have online and take it offline. I mean, everyone there will either be a diabetic or someone who loves/cares about/supports one. I’ll be amongst friends, right?
I'm still scared, but I’m going. I know I’ll end up being glad that I went and I’m encouraging everyone who can go to do the same.
I’ll be the shy girl cowering in the corner with a nervous twitch.