The thing is I don’t really have a good excuse. I’ve just been busy. INSANELY busy. Pull my hair out by the roots kind of busy. This always leads to the same conflict that I’ve had since I started this blog: does what I want to write about have a place here? Maybe it’s because this started as a class project, but whenever I write I always find myself wondering if it’s relevant to diabetes and the parameters I’m supposed to adhere to. I try not to post things that don’t directly have to do with diabetes, but then again, there’s so much more to me than that. At the same time, isn’t diabetes in every single thing I do? I’m walking that bg tightrope trying to stay off the glucoaster every minute of every day. Even when diabetes isn’t the focus, it’s always there even though I try as hard as I can to get it to give me a vacation every once in a while.
So here I am either breaking my own rules or rewriting them. Or maybe I’m just getting out from under the remnants of this blog being a class project in order to fill you in on why I’ve been so absent for the last few weeks.
When I graduated in May, the plan was to get a job and work for a while before going back to school. Well, as of September 1st, with 3 honors degrees in hand, I was still unemployed and realized that if I didn’t go back to school at that moment I was going to have 2 years ahead of me without quite knowing what I would be doing. I’m too much of a
It’s funny, really, because when I told a friend of mine I was going back to school already her response was, “Ash, everyone knew you were going right back to school except you.”
So now I find myself in the midst of an academic monsoon trying to balance classes, applications, GRE prep, and being daughter/friend extraordinaire so my blog has been suffering. And honestly, this is the most at peace with things I’ve felt in a very long time. Despite the chaos and the unwavering stress, I once again have an ultimate goal that I’m working towards. I know that as d-day gets closer and I’m waiting to find out about where I’ve been accepted, the anxiety and self-doubt will creep in but for now, I can honestly say that I’m happy.