As much as some of the poetry prompts have kicked my butt, I think this was the hardest. You could say I’m a quote hoarder. Whenever I hear a really great one, I copy it down or tweet it or use it as a FB status. I’m sure others find this incredibly annoying but far be it from me to ignore wisdom that’s been passed down from others. So, I’m cheating today. I have 3 quotes that I love and they, at least to me, speak to the same mindset:
"To be uncertain is to be uncomfortable, but to be certain is to be ridiculous." - Chinese Proverb
"All the art of living lies in a fine mingling of letting go and holding on." - Henry Havelock Ellis
"Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase." - MLK Jr
All of these quotes inspire me because, as you all know, I’m getting ready to start a doctoral program. This has led to 9 months of uncertainty since the start of the application process. Since the day I was accepted to my first school in February, the uncertainty has magnified and it’s all I’ve been thinking about because I didn’t want to make the wrong decision. What school do I pick? Where will I live? When will I move? Is it too far from my family and friends? Will I have to find a new Endo and PCP? What is my financial future going to be when I have massive loans to pay back? Will it impact whether or not I can buy a house? Will I be living in apartments and paying these loans back until I’m 40? Will this debt keep me from being able to adopt children? What happens if this huge change sends my d-management on more of a downward spiral than I’m anticipating? (etc…etc…etc…)
I’m a planner almost to my detriment. With all these variables, I can’t possibly plan for everything and I’ve had to let a lot go. I can make pro/con lists until my hand falls off but in the end, no school is absolutely perfect and I’d be compromising anywhere. In the end, I just had to have some faith that I’d make the right decision and that I could make anything work. I just had to have faith that I’d be able to make the best out of any situation no matter what’s thrown at me. I had to accept that I may not be 100% certain about my decision until I’ve been in school for a while. And that’s ok because the only one who expects me to know everything and be prepared for anything at all times is me. All anyone else wants is for me to continue to be happy and healthy.